TLV IC Inbox

[takestime]

Comments

Re: cw child abuse/dissociation mention

[takestime]

i'm not the god of making things alright again. i'm the god of hurting someone even when there's no point, when they can't be alright again. i'm the god of

what happened to you is enough of a point.

I think we suit each other better as friends than as god and follower. But I'm very grateful to be your friend. I can still be there, and for you, I want to be.

[de_nile]

[He almost says it.

He almost says: what happened to me?

What he means would be: What's happening to me now? Things are starting to come apart. I'm horribly afraid, and I don't even know what of.]

I'm grateful to be your friend, too. And grateful that that's enough? That it means anything, coming just from a little finite person. Friendship, I mean.

Do you think everyone's right to want to hurt Trevor? Is that vengeance?

Or is it not vengeance when he hasn't done it yet?

[Long pause.]

Maybe there is no god of making things alright again. Maybe that's why trying to make it happen is a bloody nightmare.

[takestime]

if there were a god of making things alright, they would have done it already

and friendship means a lot. most gods are pretty shitty at making friends, i think

and i think most people want to stop trevor. that's different. it's...practical

[de_nile]

You're right. On both counts, I suppose.

[Including Steven's God.

Whether or not you believe in a literal bearded man in a white robe on a fluffy cloud God is irrelevant to believing in God, sometimes. You believe in God the way you believe in peace, or the way you believe in a friend, or the way you believe in yourself.]

I think I'm just having trouble trusting anyone around me right now. That one's on me, gotta figure out what's going on there once it all settles down.

[takestime]

trusting people to what?

[de_nile]

I've got the most dreadful feeling that if I don't make sure the people that don't want to be involved in this are protected from the effects, that that nobody will, even though I know logically it isn't true.

[takestime]

the barge isn't really for protecting people. lots of people are going to try to protect each other, and sooner or later they're all going to fail

it's happened a lot of times before, and it'll keep happening as long as this is a prison

the question is, what can you trust people to do when catastrophe comes? is that enough?

[de_nile]

Nothing.

Not ask for it to stop, not warn anyone. Not even save themselves, not even run.

There's nothing I can do about that. I'm here, aren't I? I'll just do whatever I can.

[takestime]

If you say my name, and I am not trapped, I will come to you. That's what you can trust me to do.

[de_nile]

Thank you. That means a lot, maybe more than I can really say at the moment?

Is there anything you need?

[takestime]

if I need something, I can usually get it from Zerxus

but would it be okay if I sleep at your place sometimes? it's nice to not be alone

[As a cuddleable tiger, obviously. That goes without saying.]

[de_nile]

Oh, yeah! Of course! D'you want a key?

Or a catflap? I should get one for Nedjem anyway, she shouldn't be stuck in there just because she's my magical bodyguard.

[takestime]

if you put me on your access list i can just come and go by will

[de_nile]

Oh, with the godly teleporting! Oh, right! Yeah, wicked.

[He's doing it right now actually. FRIENDSHIP, cuddles, Steven is so lonely for cuddle-type contact.]

[takestime]

Once he saves the new list, Kahl appears, pressed against his legs.

[de_nile]

Steven, maybe predictably, startles and makes an embarassing noise of surprise, but softens immediately and goes to pet Kahl around the ears.

"Well, welcome. Should I clear you out a little space? Oh, have you met Nedjem, actually?"

There's a Dancer, one of John's. They nod. They are currently not shaped like a humanoid, but as the pop culture version of a mummified housecat: bandages bright white, limbs all separated and moveable, ears still poking out and fluffy.

[takestime]

"No."

And what are you for, Kahl asks Nedjem, one of his ears twitching possessively.

[de_nile]

"I was awfully scared my first day, and you know how John has those little doll things? He offered to send one with me as a sort of magic bodyguard, to keep me from getting stabbed by lunatics, and I asked if they could be something other than a - a faceless sort of mannequin thing? They do have those wraps of cloth, so they look a bit like mummies, and I went over a list of all the sorts of animals normally mummified in Ancient Egypt; cats are obviously very famous, but most common were ibises, I think? Only the ibises were treated quite poorly before their death, because they were intended as temple sacrifices; the ones treated the best were cats and crocodiles, and we both thought an eight foot nile crocodile wouldn't be very convenient in the elevator, so they're a cat! And 'Nedjem' is the name of the first cat written down as having a name in the historical record, her owner had a picture of her drawn on the wall of his tomb alongside his own picture."

Nedjem knows more about this. Nedjem communicates honestly: Steven will sometimes go to sleep and the same body will belong to someone else. That someone else has PTSD episodes of the kind that's resulted in violence, and he asked John for a Dancer to keep him from hurting anyone. By necessity, the same Dancer has to stay with the body when Steven is awake, so Nedjem also protects Steven from being harmed and gets carried around in his bag a lot.

"Wait, are you jealous?"

[takestime]

Oh, him. Alright. Although that doesn't seem very fair to the other one, the little vivid vicious spark Kahl has only glimpsed through the depths of them, and not yet met.

Somehow, at the question, Kahl manages to convey a scowling I-don't-care feline huff with a tiger's face.

"Just because you're not mine, doesn't mean you're John's to protect."

[de_nile]

"Awh."

The pets turn into sitting down on the floor so he can hug.

"I've never had anyone want to protect me, I don't think. ...I don't think John helping me too means you can protect me any less, it's only a difference in when and how."

Ohhh wait!

"Oh, wait, I think I just figured out how polyamory works?"

[reflectedlight]

I've never had anyone want to protect me

Okay cool, Steven, yeah, Marc will just go fuck himself, thank you for the suggestion.

[takestime]

"You definitely haven't, because it does mean I'm protecting you less," Kahl grumbles, leaning into the hug, gently head-butting Steven in the chest.

[de_nile]

"Oh, damn."

Well, no one ever accused him of being good at romance anyway.

"Yeah, but you don't really want to be following me around twenty-four-seven, on the lookout for stabbers, right? You've got your own life! Things to do!"

[takestime]

"Mostly lurking," Kahl admits. "And I can come to you, any time! If you call me."

[de_nile]

"Well, I will then," Steven says. "Promise."

Unless, for example, a huge scary moon god comes at him to knock him sideways out of the body slightly too fast for him to even scream, but what are the odds of that happening?

"Is protection part of vengeance? Or is that just something you enjoy?"